Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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