so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
