Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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