so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone shattered a urinal.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
