There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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