it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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