I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
