Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
