she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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