I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
