I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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