Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
