I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
