Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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