Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
