There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
