If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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