i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
