pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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