Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
