I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just gift wrapped bread.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
