I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
