you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
