just come out here and I will go home with you...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
