I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
