So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
where are my eyebrows?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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