FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
