he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think your dad took our porno
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
