I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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