Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
