You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
