I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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