He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
