I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
