Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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