the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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