got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The uberlube is also flammable
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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