the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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