started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
