Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
