Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
