That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
