It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
