you guys were way drunker than both of me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
