1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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