It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
