the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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