dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
