On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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