I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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