Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
