what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
