What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
