i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
