So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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