lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
