Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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