Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
