she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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