I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
