You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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