You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
