I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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