I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
