It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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