my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
