Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And then he peed in my hair
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
