Just fell off a train. Bad.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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