went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
