Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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