You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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