Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
