i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sobbing to NWA
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
