i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
