It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
