you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
