im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
