I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
