your parents love me but you hate me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
try to milk me bitch
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