dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
