I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
