let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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