I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
