I just threw up on my dentist
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
